Play With The High Rollers

This is taken from a forum I visit; I read this and knew it needed to be posted here. All credit goes to Eviledna.

Love is held in very high regard because of the amount you risk on buying into it. It's the ultimate gamble. Your first love therefore is always the highest stakes, the largest odds and the venture into the unknown where inexperience lets you bet more that you can afford. Very few people win that bet and have their first love last, and those that do live their lives unaware of the huge losses they could have had. Their blissful unawareness lets them risk the most, as they haven't tasted the bitter consequenses of high stakes.


The fact remains that just like each race has different horses, each love has different attributes. Millions has been made by the self-help types trying to mitigate the risk of the gamble, but they fail to acknowledge that the less you risk, the less you win when your horse comes in.


Now I'm not a gambling woman, I don't do the lotto and I don't bet on horses, but just like the gamble you take each time you get in a car that you'll survive the journey, love is a gamble that is part of life.

I believe that the safer you play it, the more you'll end up with second best, or no-one at all. Without contrast life is nothing, and thats why the first love is always remembered as the sweetest, and most tragic sometimes, because it's the biggest gamble.


Live as much as you can, and play with the high rollers.

On Facebook Inboxes.

So, a few weekends ago, we were out clubbing. Honestly, for the few last months, I gave up on finding someone BARELY DECENT in a club, so I just dropped the plan of "hooking up" with someone, and instead having more time with my friends.

Turns out? The best decision ever. My friends are fun enough (well, ALL kinds of fun) and I had a great time. So, back to a few weeks ago. It was probably 3:30 am, which means the club was starting to empty out.

This guy comes up to me and we start dancing. Not in the latin way, surprisingly. He doesn't put a hand on me, he's a few feet of distance. Kind of boring, BUT I do appreciate he didn't jump on me and stuck his tongue on my throat. A nice courtesy is nice from time to time.

We spent the night (and part of the morning. Not kidding. We left at 5:30 am) talking, and then dancing. There may have been one or four goodnight kisses, but well, I didn't take it any further.

Next day, or actually, a few hours later, he leaves me 8 missed calls. Then he avoids any communication for 2 weeks. Then he calls me again, tries to make a date for 10 pm the same night, and it was 9:30. Then stops any communication. Then I get this, ON MY FACEBOOK INBOX.

"Hey, call me to my cellphone, I run out of minutes.
[Name] [Lastname].

Do you blame me for not calling him?

A 'Man' You Don't Want To Meet

Some men shouldn't be allowed out. I met one such 'man' (I use the term loosely, since it implies a maturity that wasn't evidenced in his behaviour) this weekend at a friend's housewarming.

He had invited himself along, become stunningly drunk, and compounded it by deciding to skull a full bottle of maple syrup, which we later learned contained 240g of sugar. So not only was he extremely inebriated, he was now also extremely jacked up on sugar. Of course, this meant that his lack of charm increased tenfold, as evidenced by this scenario:

Boy: (grabs the bottom of my top in his sweaty paw) I think this needs to be higher up (proceeds to lift slightly)

Amy: (whacks his hand away) I think you need to go outside and run all that excess sugar off.

Boy: But I've already been out and I don't know where to run... (whine whine whine)

Amy: Anywhere that keeps you and your hands far away from my top is a good place.

Boy: (glares) Bitch!

Amy: Uh-huh, so?

Boy:... (mumble mumble mumble)

According to his much nicer friends, he considers himself 'god's gift to women' regardless of whether he is drunk or sober. Oh, and he also tried to encourage me to hook up with one of his friends. When I pointed out that the friend in question has a girlfriend he went 'that could sort of be a problem'. So much class...

Yeah, I had a fun weekend.

Oh, I also started talking to the boy mentioned in this for the first time after the whole, 'he likes me but I don't like him in that way' awkwardness. And it was nice. We have a lot of common interests so he's very good to talk to. It was slightly weird when a) he came across me alone a couple of times and b) when the two friends who wanted us to get together were drunkenly obvious about still having the same idea in mind but overall, it was fine.

And that's it on the random news front.

xx

Amy

Getting Over It

People seem to be breaking up left, right and centre these days, so I thought I'd write to those of you who (following on from the last post) have jumped ship from your one-sided relationships and are now stranded in that painful limbo between loving and hating the other person.

I know how you feel because I’ve been there before. It feels like your entire soul is crumbling and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You feel pathetic for wanting him back, and yet you can’t help yourself. You know that he hurts you, but you think life hurts more without him. For what it’s worth, here’s my advice:

• Stop throwing yourself at guys. I went through that phase as well and I regret it now. They didn’t deserve me, and they weren’t anything that I wanted.
• Give yourself time to just be. You don’t have to pretend everything is alright. Stay in, watch movies, go on holidays. I spent five months on the other side of the country. While I do think that five months was a bit excessive, some time away would help.
• Change your phone number.
• Block him on any IM/social networking sites.
• Delete (and I know this is hard) any messages from him on your phone/e-mail. In some cases the out-of-sight-out-of-mind mantra really is true.
• Move any pictures/things to do with him (pretty much anything that even remotely makes you think of him - I realise this might be almost everything) to the top of your wardrobe or, even better, the attic.
• Buy new clothes that make you feel good.
• Find something that burns up your frustration. For me it’s baking - any kind of emotional overload is solved by my licking the spoon while making trays and trays of biscuits or cookies.

I promise you that from thinking of him 24/7, you will go to thinking of him twenty times a day. Then ten. Then five. Eventually you will go to bed one night and realise that you didn’t think of him once all day. And you’ll smile and feel proud of yourself. You’ll still have some days where it will come flooding back to you, and you will feel like shit. This is unavoidable, and on these days my advice is to cry it out and then take a nap. Trust me, it takes time, but you’ll get yourself back. You’ll string yourself back together.

I know you will, because I did.

On one-way relationships.

One-way relationships are extremely destructive. When it all starts, it's a couple's affair. TWO people are involved in it. They both interact, they both do things together, they both adapt so it can work, etc. BOTH of them are involved.

But what happens when one of the two persons stops being involved? When you're only together because you're USED to it? Obviously, this can't work. And the person who is involved is the one who fights to make it work. The other person is in a vegetative state. I do think it's a communication problem, and as always, talking is the solution.

The reason of the distancing of these people is because they're unhappy. Reasons may vary, but it's because they're not pleased with the life they're getting. And the other person is always there, waiting, because he/she IS fighting for that relationship. So, it's not surprising they take it for granted that the other person is there.

A million reasons can be the cause of said un-happiness. Job, family, friends, money, politics, etc. I could go on and on. But the important thing is that often, you can release A LOT of burden from the other person by being supportive. More often than not, you'll have to restrain yourself from asking "What's wrong? Talk to me." because the other person will just close himself/herself even more.

But when the times comes, things should be talked over. After all, you're in a relationship with him/her. It is not your duty to solve his/her problems, but if you're WITH someone, you should be there in good times and bad times.

But what happens when things don't get better? When he/she REFUSES to talk and keeps things to himself/herself? When he/she starts to reject everything that comes in his/her way? Things get frustrating. It's only YOU that fights for the relationship. You feel the other person doesn't care.

My advice? If after you've tried to approach the other person, he/she doesn't react, many people will say "Just drop it". But after all, you're in a relationship with him/her. Which means you care for this person, and right now, when he/she is going through tough times, it's heart-breaking to just let them go. So, offer your help.  Extreme cases DO happen. If they don't answer to this, THEN take a break. Or maybe the break-up. Depends on the situation.

When relationships get to this point, the best thing is to be supportive. But keep in mind something. We're not on earth to be martyrs. It is okay to be in a (worthwhile) relationship when situations are complicated and you have to fight for them. It is not okay to be in a (loss-of-time) relationship that takes the best of you, or where you're being abused. Learn to make a difference.

(Boy, I expect lots of disagreement comments on this one. PLEASE make them.)

And this is one for the ladies...

Never belittle a man's endurance in bed*.

Like the 'hot friend' comment, you'd think this would be common sense. Apparently not. Yes, he may not last as long as your current boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/one night stand. But no man wants his very manhood held up for ridicule, whether purposely done or obliviously mentioned. Men store a lot of their self-worth in their penis. They are understandably unhappy when they are compared to someone and found lacking (especially when the person doing the comparing has a boyfriend with the stamina of the Energizer (or Duracell) Bunny).

Are you finished already??!!!

So yes. In keeping with previous patterns, I repeat: NEVER BELITTLE A MAN'S ENDURANCE IN BED*.

*Unless he is a dick/a bad ex/a man whore/ all of the previous. Then belittle him as much as you like.

Lessons Learned

In the beginning, there was a boy and a girl. And the boy was crazy about the girl and the girl didn’t know what she had done to deserve it. And the boy used to bring her happy meals at lunch and muffins and milk at break time. And he was so proud of his girl. And she was so proud of her boy.

When the girl was stressed he would cheer her up, and when the girl was worried about failing exams he would say “don’t worry, if you fail we will buy a ranch and we will live there and be cowboys” and he made the girl laugh through her tears until she was okay again.

How lucky the girl felt.

The boy would not leave her if she was not smiling, and if she was not smiling he would kiss her until she did. Once, when he had to leave her, the boy told the girl that he would be back soon. The girl waited and waited, but the boy did not come. Just as the girl gave in to disappointment, there was a knock on the door. There was her boy, standing there, soaking wet. He had run from his house in the rain to get to her. The boy said he loved her and the girl believed him. The girl said she loved him and the boy believed her.

And then the promises made turned into promises broken, and the trust between them disappeared, and the boy found another girl, and the girl’s heart was torn in two. And she learned that trust is not enough to bind, and she learned that love is not a defense from harm.

So the girl left her boy, and gave him up so that he was no longer 'her boy'; he was just 'a boy', like every other boy. And she took a needle and thread and slowly, painfully, stitched her heart back together. And then she met another boy. A wonderful boy. A boy who kissed her soul and held her heart. And he became her boy. And she took her stitches out and found that the scars had healed wrong. They were painful and ugly and sore.

The girl was sad. She could not trust the boy. He was wonderful, and she was trying, but it hurt her head; it hurt her heart; it hurt her soul. The girl was not sure if she was willing to risk her heart again. She feared that one more crack might break it forever - crumble it into sand so fine it was impossible to fix.

So she tries, because she must, and she hurts, because she can’t, and so it will go until she can fix herself.

On flirting.

A few days back, I was talking to Amy about who I have the "gift of talk", aka. that I am a very good conversationist. If I don't bore you to death, I'm someone you can talk for HOURS to.

In fact, I talk WAY better with guys than with girls because I'm REALLY flirty. It's natural now. The smiles and the looks and the eyelash batting and the soft touches are part of me now. Up to now, my flirting has had great effects, and I've been able to talk to new guys as if they were life-long acquaintances.

It works with ANY kind of guy, either he's a preppy douchebag or a shy dork. With girls, it's different. Somehow, they have the misconception I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch with GUYS, yes ; but not with girls. But they THINK I am a bitch, so it's weird there.

A few weeks back, I was talking to another friend (See? I told you I was good speaking) who admitted he was also good flirting, but that's because it was a self-defense mechanism. And I had to recognize it's also a self-mechanism for me.

See, when I was younger, I was teased at school. After a few good years of being called ugly and useless and disgusting, you start believing it. To this day, every time a guy dares to call me "beautiful", "gorgeous", or even, "stunning", I totally blush and take it as an exaggeration. Except with some guys. But in general, it's weird for me to be called like that.

But what happens when I flirt? I can get any guy I want, unless the guy is gay or he has a very serious girlfriend. It's an ego stroke. I KNOW the guy finds me attractive, I KNOW I can get him, I KNOW I have him on the palm of my hand. It's an ego stroke.

I'm a natural charmer, guys are attracted to me, but why does it feel so good? Because it contradicts all the ghosts of my past. "You're ugly" says the ghost. "Mmmm... This guy wants me SO bad. I doubt it." says my ego, etc.

In other words, I'm doing this for me, to convince myself that I am WELL past all that teasing, and not necessarily to get the guy. In the first place, I'm not interested in about 90% of the men I unwillingly flirt with. But it feels good to know that IF I wanted any of them, I could have them. Without much effort.

So, my point today is to make you think. When you flirt, do you do it for yourself or to get the other person??

On stalkers...

Whoa. Crazy high school life is done! I finished my exams about 2 weeks ago and I got my results on Wednesday. I did great, and I'm happy. I'm also happy I now have time to WRITE and to READ and to COMMENT. But mainly I can write, so this place has something new more often. As in, at least once a week. At least.

So, today's topic is quite obvious. Stalkers. I know everything about them. And I also know how to fight them.



Well, first, the definitions. There are 2 kinds of stalkers :
1. The one-night-stalker. So, you're in a bar/club (dude, where else do you pick one-night-stalkers?), and you see someone with a penetrating look. On you. All the time. He/she barely blinks and all you see is his/her FIXED look.
Then, you go to the bathroom, without the company of ANY of your friends. Just as you walk out of it, BOOM! There he/she is. He/she makes casual talk and you're getting freaked out.
(If you live in Latin America, chances are that if it's a guy, he'll stick his tongue down your throat in less than 2 minutes ; if it's a girl, then YOU will stick your tongue down her throat in less than 2 minutes.)
Then, you'll awkwardly go back to your group of friends and tell them what just happened. They'll laugh and point out it's "nothing important", but still, he/she has fixed eyes on you.
But okay. You leave and that's all it comes from it. Unless you bump into him/her in another place, another night, but it's still a one-night-stalker.

2. The long-term-stalker. Oh, you know the kind. It's the kind that will send you Facebook inboxes, emails, SMS, that will call you to your cell-phone and your house, etc. You haven't had one like this? Oh, well, then you haven't experienced REAL stalkerism.
How did this start? You were probably talking to him/her casually, then you gave him/her your name. Then he/she looked you up in Facebook and added you. You added him/her, and then he/she added you on Gchat or MSN or Yahoo Talk or AIM or whatever. Then, he/she talks to you and asks for your number, then for a date. Then you go for a date and you end up freaked out. But he/she has got your number. And keeps calling. And stalking. And then you start to wonder if he/she will show up one day at your house and rape you.
It's freaky, it's scary and it's dangerous. Once someone is obsessed with you, in a non-healthy way, it can get ugly.


Obviously, it's on the second type I'll focus. For the first type, just keep friends around and things should be fine. He/she won't approach you if you're surrounded by your friends. And if he/she does, just call security.

The dangerous part comes from the fact these people get obsessed with you. They must HAVE you, no matter what the price is. But how do you say "No", without risking him/her getting mad and doing something crazy?

Be straightforward. Tell him/her you don't want anything with them. Don't be harsh, lie if you have to. Tell them you're interested in someone else and it'd feel wrong to go out with someone else. Tell them SOMETHING. But DON'T be mean. Most of this people have self-esteem problems, and if you're mean you might send them to depression or to angry responses. And I don't think you want either.

If the person keeps insisting, NEVER try to just ignore him/her. He/She will get MORE insisting. And you'll get the wrong effect. Be more straightforward. Just tell them you're not comfortable with them and it'd be better if he/she stopped talking to you. If he/she asks you what he/she did wrong, NEVER tell them "You're crazy or what? Do you think I enjoyed all those calls, emails, SMS, etc. That was freaky!". NEVER. Instead, just tell them you like having your personal space and that you feel he/she is getting in it more than you can handle.

If he/she doesn't stop, call the cops.


If you have any questions, don't doubt in contacting me. I'm really experienced with all this things and I'm good with it by now. No matter how BAD you think your stalker is, I can help. ( andygoesblog {at} hotmail {dot} com )

PS. Sebastian, if I get emails like "Amy is stalking me, what can I do?", I swear I'll become that bag of frozen peas.

TBS(t)D* 1

*Things Boys Shouldn't Do

Do not tell your girlfriend that her good female friend is hotter than her. Seriously. Just don't. You might think you're being honest but all you're doing is whacking her self esteem with a hammer. A very large one.

I think it bears repeating. In caps.

DO NOT TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT HER GOOD FEMALE FRIEND IS HOTTER THAN HER.

That is all.

xx

Amy